Being Dad: New Film Takes
on Fatherhood, Pregnancy, & Morning Sickness
BY TARA TAYLOR
© COPYRIGHT 2008 BY PARENTS'
PRESS
Australian filmmaker Troy Jones had no idea what he was in
for when his wife Stacy announced that she was pregnant. Sure,
he knew that after 40 weeks there would be a baby, but he couldn't
grasp what that really ment.
Stacy did what many expecting mothers do she bought
every pregnancy book under the sun and began to read. She flagged
the things she thought were important and placed them on Troy's
nightstand for him check out.
Jones knew that he would never get around to those hours of
reading.
"The problem we (men) have with books is first, guys
don't read, and second, if there is a book it's just one person's
perspective," said Jones.
But when Jones met up with a friend and new dad at a local
pub, the questions flew out of his mouth. What do you do about
morning sickness? When do you tell your folks? He felt like his
friend was giving him honest answers that he, as a guy, could
comprehend.
After the talk, Jones figured lots of expecting fathers could
benefit from straightforward answers from dads who had been there.
The end result is Being Dad: Information and Inspiration for
Dads To Be, a documentary featuring groups of new fathers
talking about their experiences of pregnancy and birth.
ones made three versions, one featuring dads from his native
Australia, another with fathers from the United Kingdom, and
a third filmed in the U.S. (scheduled to be released September
2008 on DVD).
Getting Guys to Talk
"If you ask a guy about the birth of his first kid, he can
remember everything about it. They light up when they talk about
it," said Jones. "It's just such a hidden unmanly thing
to talk about."
When it came to getting fathers to open up about the pregnancy
experience the formula was uncomplicated. Get the partners out
of the picture: no women allowed. Get a diverse group of fathers,
and provide a space where most fathers are comfortable
a bar or a pub. "We bought them a beer, which always helps,"
said Jones.
Sessions were unscripted and took place in six locations throughout
the U.S., including Los Angeles and San Diego.
"Guys really came out of the woodwork, especially when
the wives weren't there to tell them they were getting the story
wrong," Jones said. "I think they felt a bonding experience
talking with each other."
Morning Sickness, Miscarriage, and What Not to Say
A few topics always came up in the group conversations. The first
was how to help your partner with morning sickness.
Many expecting fathers felt helpless in the face of nausea.
Some even found it a bit funny the documentary features
a scene where Jones giggles outside the bathroom door while Stacy
throws up in the other room. Most of all, the dads were all glad
it was not happening to them. One dad said morning sickness was
described to him as having a hangover for three months, a comment
that made almost every father at the table cringe.
A topic Jones didn't anticipate was miscarriage. A handful
of expecting fathers had experienced a miscarriage before the
live birth of their baby. These conversations offer a rare glimpse
to how the loss affects the partner. These fathers not only struggled
with their own grief, but had to help their wives through the
grieving process as well. Their big message: hang tough and be
supportive.
During the filming of all three versions of "Being Dad,"
Jones was pleasantly surprised at how often the topic of what
not to say to your pregnant partner came up. It appears that
the universal response to "I look fat" was, "No,
honey. You look great."
Jones was also surprised that, unlike the fathers in the U.K.
and Australia, American dads found their pregnant wives extremely
sexy. And the topic of sex was always brought up first by the
American dads.
"They're scared to death of having sex with their wife,
but they find them very attractive," Jones said. "One
guy though it was just the bigger boobs."
Birth and Beyond
Jones spent the last six months of Stacy's pregnancy filming
and talking with fathers in Australia. All three versions of
the film feature the birth of his daughter, Matilda. The film
was such a hit that shortly after Matilda's birth, he hit the
road with his new family and began filming in the U.K.
Jones felt that fathers in America faced different challenges
and were seen as witnesses of the birthing process, instead of
partners. "We were interested in how different it was from
Australia," Jones said, who describes fathers in Australia
as more involved in the delivery.
Jones hopes his video will get fathers to open up about their
role in the pregnancy.
"I want to give dads the feeling that it's good to be
involved, and have a bit of a laugh at it," Jones explains.
"There's a lot of dads out there who miss out on the pregnancy
process."
Jones is now working on a follow-up documentary. Being
Dad 2 will follow a group of fathers for six months from
hospital to home. It will also include groups of dads, in the
same format of the first film, talking about what it means to
them to be a father. He is looking for groups of fathers to feature
in U.S. version of the film.
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