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Should I or Shouldn’t I?

What Every First-Time Moms Need to Know

      Big emotions surround a woman about to give birth for the first time. It’s something her body’s never done before, and she’s anxious about how the day will go. It doesn’t help that pregnancy hormones keep her from sleeping well right before birth. It’s a good idea to consider some of these questions before contractions are underway. Although each comes with a recommended answer, of course each woman needs to make her own decision.

1. Should I or shouldn’t I get an epidural?
     Two words: get one. Birth is traumatic on the baby, too: Everyone’s seen pictures of newborns whose heads were literally reshaped by the birth canal. Becoming a conehead requires a pleasant dose of the trace amount of drugs that actually reach the baby.
     “As someone who didn’t want one and ended up getting one, I think you should be open to the possibility and educate yourself on ways to avoid one,” says Morgan Hill mom Jordan Rosenfeld. “And even then, be aware that your education isn’t going to influence the outcome.”
     “I was planning on having a drug-free delivery, but after 21 hours of labor, I changed my mind. With the epidural, I was finally able to get some rest and deliver my son feeling much more calm and in a lot less pain,” says Alameda mom Colleen Paltrineri.
     “I had two unmedicated births, and I’m really glad I didn’t have an epidural, but everyone is different and has their own perspective on pain,” says Berkeley mom Lori Colombo.
    Who would be willing to have a root canal without drugs? Why then is giving birth somehow more noble?
*You should.   >

2. Should I or shouldn’t I watch the birth in a mirror?
     It’s perhaps an unexpected suggestion: A nurse may ask whether the laboring mother wants a full-length mirror positioned between her legs. There’s genuine enthusiasm and a belief that the mirror will motivate better pushing — such enthusiasm that one mother who declined still saw the mirror appear.
However, the incredible once-in-a-lifetime sight of a particular child crowning and then gliding into the world is just that: once in a lifetime. Better to have the mirror and just not look than to not have that opportunity.
*You should.

3. Should I or shouldn’t I let my mother-in-law in the delivery room?
     After some extended laughter, Colombo replied, “It’s a rare woman, a very special mother-in-law, that could be present for her daughter-in-law without her own agenda. And to be there for her son, too, because sometimes the men go down.”
The selection of who stays during that most intimate of moments is tricky. A laboring mother shouldn’t be self-conscious or distracted from her important work.
*You shouldn’t.

4. Should I or shouldn’t I let my other kid(s) watch?
     “Hells to the no,” says former Oaklander Donna Wentworth. “I watched as a child as my mother gave birth to several of my siblings at home. The miracle of birth was actually pretty frightening, a bit like watching one of your parents undergo surgery.”
Gilroy mom Diana Tupper seriously considered the issue. In her research she learned that “Women who had their children present said they would absolutely, positively do it again, and that it was wonderful.” Yet, “I showed [my kids] a YouTube video of a woman having a baby, and they decided to pass,” she says.
*You shouldn’t.

5. Should I or shouldn’t I take childbirth preparation classes?
     “Not if you read at all. If you read, you know what they will say, and it will seem like a waste of time to you,” says Wentworth.
Morgan Hill mom Roz Weatherall agrees. “Really, I have no memory of the class, other than it was the first time my baby had the hiccups. I put more stock in friends and their experiences.”
It’s important to learn what the class entails. If, like Weatherall’s, it’s nothing but lecture format with handouts, skipping won’t hurt. But other classes can be hands-on, with couples practicing labor poses (the room looks like the most awkward yoga class ever). A highlight of some classes is holding ice in one’s hand for the count of a long contraction, and then doing it again using breathing techniques, a dramatic lesson in pain management.
*You should.

6. Should I or shouldn’t I wait to name the baby until after birth?
     “I could see why people wait, because sometimes you see the baby and get a sense of who they are and the name comes to you,” said Rosenfeld. “Maybe have a list and narrow it down when you take a gander at that little peanut.”
Alameda mom Mary Brune says, “Naming a person creates such an overwhelming obligation to get it right. We told people potential choices and didn’t like the reaction.” She suggested that whether or not a name is in place, to wait to tell until after birth.
*You shouldn’t.

7. Should I or shouldn’t I bring a camera into the delivery room?
     “Our doula took incredibly graphic, bloody close-ups of Jasper’s emergence. They’re interesting to see after-the-fact, but these images should never — repeat never — be seen by someone who’s at all nervous about giving birth,” says Anne McSilver of Oakland.
Brune says, “Our doula took a photo over my shoulder as my daughter opened her eyes for the first time ever, and we wouldn’t have that if there were no cameras.”
Images can be deleted, and it is possible to scrub your eyes.
*You should.

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